Skatopia✶2023

When June rolls around you know what it's time for: Skatopia. This one was an even more highly anticipated year because Brewce Martin was back home from the slammer.

Photo by: www.ideastream.org/

Despite the morning starting off rough by waking up to a completely flat tire, we were determined to make it happen. We would be at Skatopia by the end of the day. If our biggest obstacle that day was Swiss engineering (it was) then we would be straight.

Swiss tires are impossible to take off

One knocked-loose tire and trip to Walmart later, we were on the road to the unholy land. The ride there was nothing crazy, unless you get really excited about Jungle Jims, but for the most part driving all the way across Ohio is as exciting as it sounds.

We arrived at the Skatopia gates not too sure what to expect, protocol for this year had gotten a little stricter with Brewce being freshly out of jail. They wanted to make sure he wouldn't be in danger of breaking his parole, and were weren't too sure what that meant for us. But nonetheless, we were excited.

When you enter the gates, usually you're greeted by someone who will then ask for a donation to enter. After that, you're completely enveloped in the madness of Skatopia no matter the time of day. It does not stop. The bands are loud, there are people thrashing in every bowl, strangers are yelling random shit from megaphones, mortars are blowing up under your feet. It's almost hard to describe accurately in words alone. Its madness and the closest thing to anarchy you'll probably ever experience.

Photo by: Josie Seymour

There is no real itinerary at Skatopia besides three things: the bands, the skate comp/jam, and the bonfire. Other than that, you roam as you please. Just don't roam too far into the woods, sometimes people don't come back.

Our first stop is always the Lula Bowl. You climb the tall dirt hill in the middle of the property and are greeted by a mountain of crusty concrete. This is normally where the contests and jams take place. Other than that, it's a free for all for anyone to skate. Encased in the Lula Bowl concrete is a big purple bus. Don't ask me the story behind it, I have no idea, but I do know that it's been there long enough to be included on the map in Tony Hawks Underground.

One man you can always count on finding at the Lula Bowl is Andy Roy. You can't miss him, you'd know his voice anywhere and he's usually judging the Bowl Bash. If you hit a trick or line, be fully prepared to get hit with a roman candle followed by his cackling. He's in the process of filming Rip Ride On The Road, so definitely keep your eye out for that when it drops. I'm sure plenty of Skatopia footage will be included. We said what's up to the legend and other homies we had met the year before.

After catching our first band of the day we headed back down to the Barn. This is basically the main hub of Skatopia. It's a really haphazardly put together building that probably break too many building codes. If you want food, they have it. If you want music, it's there. And if you want to watch people skate the most insanely built bowl you've ever seen, its in there too. They call the bowl inside the Punisher, and it lives up to the name. The Punisher is 13-15 feet deep, and the only flat parts are the 7ft of vert. PBR logos are plastered on every inch of the pool coping, and all sides are filled with people watching dudes shred and get wrecked. The second we walked into the building, we were met with a group of people dragging an older skater out of the bowl and shoving him into a rusty wheel chair. It was obvious that his foot was facing the complete wrong way. While people shred there is always a band right next to the bowl screaming their lungs out. Join the thickest mosh pit you've ever seen to catch a glimpse of who's playing.

While getting pics in the mosh pit, a fight broke out between multiple people and nearly pushed me into the Punisher in the process. The band stopped performing and together with the crowed, broke up the fight and kicked those posers out. The lead singer shamed the assholes fighting, and all of a sudden the crowd split and in the middle of it was Brewce Martin. He and the singer shared the mic and gathered the crowd. The simple message they gave was, "We are a family, we do not fight each other." It was honestly a really beautiful moment in the middle of all the madness, and took me by surprise. Afterwards the music continued, and so did the Skatopia energy.

If I'm being honest, the rest of that day at certain point is a blur. Just know that it was a lot of skating, music, and fireworks. At some point in the evening, we stopped at the Church Bowl. That's where our team and homies got some killer skating in. The Church bowl is pretty fat, not as big and crazy as the Punisher, but still a crazy time. The 4-5 foot mini that leads into the rest of the bowl is a good time that a lot of people will skate, but if you lose your board, you're going swimming.

The final major event of the night arrived. The steady pile of literally anything you can find only got bigger by the end of the night, and the cherry on top was some beat-up pickup truck that was covered in pray paint and probably hadn't moved in years. A large group gathered with Andy Roy and Brewce and shook and bounced the truck back and forth until

finally they had tipped it over into the burn pile. Gasoline was poured, and with a few words from Brewce, someone lit a roman candle and the pile exploded. Mortars burst from the bon fire in every direction, the final band of the night roared away, and the heat of the fire scorched the mosh pit. I'm almost certain one of the explosions came from the truck itself. Who knows what was left in that tank. In the dark, everything was a hot blurry mess of orange.

My time at the bonfire ended soon after Andy Roy chucked a mortar into the crowed and it exploded in my face. I still have the burn mark and it's one of my biggest brags. Finding a place to sleep was the thing on our list, and it showed. Usually we throw hammocks up and hope for the best. Being in the woods last year had us coming home with Chigger bites, so we tried to avoid it this year. Under the Church Bowl, if you crawl through the holes in the walls on the outside of the building, you're met with a hidden bowl. This spot is called the Rabbits Den, and not many people know about it. There's no lights, so your best bet to see anything is during the day. Other than that, it's pitch black and if you're not carful you're falling face first into a 8ft concrete bowl, and the only way out is by climbing the rope dangling off the side. To be fair, its a decent place to set up shop. If you dangle your hammocks from the rails on the ceiling, its pretty comfy and you can listen to the sounds of skaters thrashing in the Church bowl above your head.

If you manage/choose to get some sleep, Skatopia is a different vibe in the early morning hours. It's very much the same vibe you get when you sleep over at a raging house party. Everyone's tired and coming down from whatever they were on. It's actually kind of peaceful(??) in a way. The weirdos are definitely still out and about, but the general chaos is put on a pause.

When you finally track down all your friends and your belongings, you hop in the whip and head back down the hill towards the entrance. The property of Skatopia is one-way in and one-way out. At the gate you'll be stopped by Brewce and company. He'll ask you how the stay was and then "suggest" to buy some merch. You must buy some merch. I don't care if you barely have any gas money left, you and your friends scrap together whatever you can find, and give it to that man. Besides that, I highly suggest bringing some extra money anyways, the Skatopia hats, shirts, and boards are pretty fire.